Monthly Archives August 2013

When you’re an actor, quitting is not an option.

3615_10200999585885564_1480992132_nI did something I never thought I would do last week. I backed out of a film project at the last minute because I had to stay late at the office. It felt like a little piece of my soul just withered up and died or like if I happened to glance in the mirror after sending the cancellation email, I’d find my reflection suddenly aged 50 years all decrepit and deformed from years of hunching over a computer and carpal tunnel-ed out from endless hours of typing. I started beating myself up mentally, running myself through a gambit of questions to uncover some hidden seed of truth that maybe I didn’t want to admit to myself. Did I not love acting anymore? Did something trigger me and over night I decided to grow up like Wendy from Peter Pan? Did I just need a break? Am I allowing myself to be absorbed and sucked up until the cyclone of corporate like a soulless, gutless limp yuppy?

I didn’t even turn the radio on in the car that day on my drive home. I just stared ahead and milled everything over in my mind. I arrived at somewhat of a conclusion – for the first time in my life I am on a career path...

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This actress ain’t nothing but a dirty, little people-pleaser

style image studiosI’ll be the first to admit that being a female in this industry is weird. At least for me it is. See I’m a people pleaser. A HUGE, fat, nothing but a low-down, good for nothing people pleaser. If they had an award for most people pleased it would hands-down go to me. The sad thing is that most of the time I don’t even realize that I’m doing it because it has sort of become an automatic feature wired into the motherboard of my programming. I sort of just float along on autopilot, pleasing people here, there, everywhere until everyone has their pants pleased right off of them. (Not literally, I’m a pleaser but I am not a dirty pleaser)

I only now have become sensitive to the fact that I am repeat offender because a few people in my life who actually care about me honoring what I want, are working to make sure that I also honor that in myself. I love these people. Don’t get me wrong, I have been surrounded by tremendous love my whole life. My parents, for example, love me dearly, but a lot of their choices and impulses to guide me have been driven by fear and the desire to protect me...

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